everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
