drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
