You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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