Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
