Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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