the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize