It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
