think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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