Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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