so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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