4 words: hood of his car
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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