RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
