There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
