I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
