i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
