I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
