My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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