"it" just moved
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
