he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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