woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dick very happy bro
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
