Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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