First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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