Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
