omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
