guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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