she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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