Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
