If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
