I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
