Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you never un-have a 4some
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