What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
