Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
