my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
