i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
