when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
