I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
