I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
