After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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