got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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