You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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