her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
