You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
