when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
