Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
