WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
