I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
