you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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