I am in a vortex of obligation.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
