Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
