We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
