Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
