Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
