I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
where am i from again
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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