another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
