I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
