This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
