I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize