Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
