just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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