Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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