This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
