Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize