Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
