4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
