Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
