i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
