His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
