I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize