How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
