This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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