Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
