Someone shit on the floor
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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