i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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