i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
