So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
