it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
