My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
