It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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