wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
