So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I did not marry a roomba.
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